It wasn't. But only because I've always been a spiritual person. I was a jw for 36 years and was committed to the idea of pleasing God. Not so much the org. I mean, I did believe it was the truth but my allegiance was always first and foremost to Jehovah, not the people. I was the freak that loved service but never took magazines. Because I just wanted to show hurting worldly people that God loved them. When I left it was because I got df'd for marrying my high school worldly bf from 20 years ago. I had had the JW husband who wasn't a real Christian and had asked for a divorce. So I eloped with the worldly guy because I figured I'd get him converted (at least he was a Christian and was willing to go to meetings with me). I knew I'd get df'd and didn't care. I assumed I'd take my year long punishment and get reinstated and go right back to my life as an awesome JW but this time with a supportive husband. But God had other plans.
Throughout my divorce/custody hearings, JWs I considered my best friends lied about me in court. Called me a drug addict and alcoholic. I'm neither. But as a df'd JW married to an unbeliever they felt justified to help my ex get the kids...even through lying (theocratic warfare). They didn't succeed. The elders I took this to said it was my fault. That they were justified to perjure themselves because I had married a worldly guy. This happened when I was to be reinstated the following week. Sitting in the back room listening to these "representatives of Jehovah" I had my "road to Damascus" moment. Plain as you hear my voice reading this, I heard God say to me "Vanessa, I'm not here. These are not my people. Get up and go." I thought it was Satan so I ignored it. But for the next two meetings I heard it every time I walked into a KH. Then at my meeting to be reinstated, I heard it so loud I turned to see if someone else was in the room. It was scary. I'm not nuts. I don't hear voices. But I had these three elders looking at me holding that mornings WT and my husband (the worldly guy) holding his KJV bible. And it occurred to me that the elders never used the bible. During every meeting throughout the entire year. Never. Not one scripture. Lots of articles. Lots of books. But no scriptures. They were explaining the process of announcing my re-instatement and I simply stood up and said I no longer wanted to be a JW. I told them to trash my letter requesting reinstatement. I was a bit in shock that I was doing it and my husband jumped up and said "meetings over, boys" and whisked me out of there. Only in the car did I learn that he had literally hundreds of Christians praying over me for months. Specifically praying that God would reveal His will to me and that I would listen when it happened.
Of course, my family cut me off. Up to then, they had accepted my husband (we took a family honeymoon with all the kids and my parents to help everyone blend and the elders were fine with it) and they supported our marriage. But when I decided to not come back, they have shunned not just me but their grandchildren too. But the thing is, I actually have now what Christ promised in scripture. I have a personal relationship with him and Yahweh (the Father). I can talk to them and they respond to me in my spirit. Very clearly. I always considered myself pretty bible literate but They have taught me so much that I never saw in my years studying as a JW. The New Testament has taken on a whole new import in my worship. I have seen that Isreal was to be witnesses for Yahweh, but Christians are to be witnesses for Christ. And it's not a diss to Jehovah like we were led to believe. Quite the opposite. God the Father expects us to worship his Son. The magi worshiped him. Angels worship him. We are told to also. The two scriptures that cemented the deal for me were John 8:1-11 and the lesson in forgiveness Christ taught there that the JWs reject because it proves df'ing to be satanic and anti-Christ and 1john 5:1. If we believe Christ is our mediator, we are born of God. That scripture negates pretty much all of the great crowd/anointed class doctrine of the JWs.
There's so much more but you get the point. I apologize for the length. I'm just so grateful for God delivering me from that cult that it's hard not to elaborate when I'm asked. I know my situation is unique. I know God doesn't just come out and talk to everyone who is on the verge of waking up. But maybe he does. Maybe He does more than people realize but the JWs have beaten it into all of us that Jehovah only talks to their leadership,not individuals...so people refuse to obey when they hear Him. I don't know.
My advice? Find a good Bible based non-denominational church. You don't need to jump from one "we are the only ones going" group to another. Instead, find a group that accepts people of all religious backgrounds that are interested in strengthening their walk with Christ and knowledge of God as a group. They exist. I don't subscribe to the cotton candy preaching of Joel Osteen (he's nice and all but I'm a meat eater spiritually-speaking) but his website lists bible based non-denom churches all over the country. Find one. Visit. Visit another. Come to Oklahoma and visit mine. If you truly ask God for help, he WILL provide it. He has replaced my family with people that love me and all these kids unconditionally. He has blessed my business. Our finances. Our health. And He has removed any remnants of sadness or depression that losing my bio family should have produced. He has shown me in scripture lots of accounts where people had to lose loved ones to pursue truth and I'm good with that.
If I haven't totally freaked you out or scared you off, come visit sometime. And if you ever need help with fading, refuting JW teaching (subtly) or dealing with Christian doctrine that's new, unfamiliar or feels wrong to you, let me know. I'm married to a pastor and I teach adult Sunday School at our church. See what God can do!?! And I've only been out since summer of 2010.