I have to confess, I originally sought out those doing well to see if anyone would be interested in doing my 10-minute online survey that's part of my dissertation.
But I'm not doing well recently and will opt to share here instead.
I had my manic break in 2008 while a med student. I was kicked out a year later bc I told off a psychiatry attending after "giving up" when him and others consistently talked down to the patients, didn't know basic research findings on medication and bipolar disorder (like being in denial that lithium in the medication that most effectively prevents suicide in bipolar disorder), and giving me an unfairly low grade.
I have now finished most of my training for becoming a psychologist instead of a psychiatrist.
After my manic break, I unsuccessfully dated for five years, during which I was often depressed. I then dated someone for 1.5 years with the second half being unhappy. Prior to my manic episode, I dated consistently throughout my adult life. Six months after my most recent relationship, I went on three dates w a woman I really liked. I got scared and insecure and was unstable so called it off. I tried to go back on that, but she lost interest.
A normal functioning person would get over that in one to two weeks max. Me? I had my second manic episode. I felt angelic-like love from her, which wasn't from her of course. It was psychosis. I messaged her intermittently for months.
She had gotten over going on three dates w some dude in a couple days max, likely. I had seemingly found an irreplaceable woman whom no woman could ever compete. In reality, while this woman was probably actually pretty great, she couldn't compete with my manic version of her. So I would continue to date and try to move on, but no one came close to my manic version of this woman.
When I finally came to reality about what had happened, I absolutely wanted to quit with life.
Personally, I seem to have a need to be in a positive relationship with someone who inspires/supports me. Except now, I have $300,000 in debt that I'm probably going to have to be paying off for the rest of my life. I have a disorder that creates an extremely intense battle and suffering for about 1/4 of my life. I seek a partner whom I have to compete with high functioning dudes making a lot of money who are biologically stable. So I don't see that working out.
Then I'm left wondering, if it's just gonna be me and my friends and relatives in my life from here on out, I'm not sure I am driven to work so hard during that 1/4 of my life of intense suffering.
I know there are people out there who suffer more than me. There are also a ton of ppl who suffer less than me. That's almost not the point though. The point is that I don't believe I will be able to realize lasting happiness enough of the time to justify the fight. I have fought a lot over the past eight years to realize a good life for me. It's gotten mediocre results. I don't see how suddenly my fight will result in awesome or clearly overall positive results.
Life's about connections w people. I really want a wife I love to death and a family w her. That's a simple and common need that I don't know I can go without more than most people. Yet I seem to have to go without it.
Anyways, these responses were kind. Good to hear from those who are doing well with our disorder. You guys are literally the people I have chosen to study for my dissertation.