I purposely relapsed on drugs a couple days ago, after being a year sober for the first time ever. And that year was fucking brutal. Like, life to me has just been a progression of shittier and shittier things. My reasoning for the drugs was it was either that or I was gonna kill myself. I was just done. I always thought I would have killed myself impulsively in a depressive episode. But the last several months it’s been nothingness. Complete apathy. I don’t feel anything about anything. Yeah, the drugs were obviously a bad idea, and now I just feel even worse. But, it’s hard to care about relapsing when you don’t care if you live. Rehab has a song about that.

So I guess the only thing I can offer is that you’re not alone. But, I am sorry man.