I may invest in getting a taser. As of right now, I just carry my trusty oil slick pen. I prefer it over a taser because I don’t mind my friends calling me MacGyver, but “Officer Cuck” would get old fast.

I Wish it were easier for a male to own a taser without getting flak from other dudes, but it’s no biggie. If things go south, I’m prepared to deploy the ol’ slip n slide without hesitation.

It protected me from the ruffians back in my middle school days, so it holds a lot of sentimental value. It makes me feel safer and more comfortable than anything else does. I sleep with it, I eat with it, I brush my teeth with it, I go to school with it, I go to work with it, I go to the bathroom with it, It never leaves my side...

Oh, and I also write with it.