I have had some experience with this an I can tell you that it is hard to know sometimes. I think he was honestly trying to be playful with you and in the heat of the moment he forgot about your history and how that might effect you.

The thing is the SO of a sexual assault survivor doesn't really have a lot to go one as far as how to act with there SO. There is no manual and even with counseling which I am sure he hasn't had, it seems to me that these things are different depending on the people and circumstances. I know from my experience there were times I would be surprised at what would upset her. Granted he needs to be extra careful, however remember what he thought he was doing with you was being playful, and silly (maybe it was rude). I don't think and from your comments you don't think there was any malice in his actions. A good rule of thumb would be if you had not been assaulted do you think you would have reacted the way you did? This doesn't mean he doesn't have to be mindful, but it does mean that he just made a mistake and you should consider forgiving him.

Remember just like I am sure you are still learning what your triggers are all the time, he needs to learn them too. Sometimes there are going to be misunderstandings about this and you both are going to have to work through it. You don't want him to be so scared that he doesn't respond to you naturally. Look I am sorry that this puts some of this on you and makes it harder, and I definitely don't mean to minimize your experience. I need to say this though, in my situation it got so bad at a time that I was really scared to touch her. It also felt kind of like a rejection even though in my mind I knew it had nothing to do with me. Just be aware of that.

His reaction after he realized to me shows that he is a good man and really felt bad and will be more aware in the future. Look you found a good partner that is willing to work with you on this. So congratulations! (https://www.google.com/search?q=mallas&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8#q=spouses+of+rape+survivors) [I think maybe together you guys should try to read some of these articles here] This is not an easy thing but it seems like you both want to make it work. Just remember he is learning too, and when it comes to this stuff try to judge him on his motives.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I know it sucks. Please don't give up and good luck.