Generally? Neither. It has more to do with self-esteem, emotional maturity, interdependence, accountability, views of commitment, and firm boundaries a potential partner possesses from a healthy perspective.

Gender wise, women have a lot to protect themselves from and justified, but that can often lean into paranoia and warped thinking.

Anyone you date is going to have their own issues. You have yours you’re bringing to the table too. But the ones you mentioned aren’t just one or two, there are many. That’s a pattern.

Sometimes people are assholes that learn a word and throw it at anyone that triggers them. *Then there are other times, which I think is now, where people use the wrong word to describe something they’re picking up on. they are pointing out a pattern of yours. *

It’s worth asking yourself what part of you has been pointed out by others. It doesn’t mean it’s abusive but it can be unhealthy. It’s an opportunity to improve if you take it. Just a thought.