Well I've actually come back home.. reason being that it is my apartment, it's only registered under my name, and I'm the only one that pays the bills and the rent. I support him so that he can go to school and make something better of his life. And to be clear I am not going back to him. I knew yesterday was a good time to go home because another (not super close)friend who recently became homeless moved into the spare bedroom. And I feel a lot safer cuz I know my ex (yes using the word now) won't dare do anything around another person.

But i came home a bit before the time the other guy moved in , and while we were waiting I told him we would not work and that he needed to find a new apartment and this was over. He got mad and started standing over me and shouting again getting close. He smacked my leg and pulled me closer to him by my ankle. And I started to cry again and point out how it always gets physical.

When he realised, he snapped out of it and left the house for a walk, when he came home he agreed with me and said we needed to end it, but because I'm so horrible to him. He still thinks I deserve to get hit because no woman should disrespect a man like that. And that's why it's over. Maybe he is right I am no longer the sweet person I was to him. Too much has happened for us to go back to the way it was.

This new roommate will be staying for a month so I feel a lot safer at home.

this saturday I am going out with a girlfriend.. will tell her whats been happening . I have a feeling she might already know.She has lived in berlin most of her life and maybe she could help me or give me advice for my situation.