I don't think it's totally contradictory to have wanted both in some way. I wish we were close enough that he could've told me such a thing, but I also don't want to harbor a lie from my parents.

Truth is, this situation kinda cemented for me a long standing suspicious that my brother probably doesn't want me in his life. I was shitty to him as a kid. I'm only a year older but I was an awful bully and antagonized him into our teen years. I definitely stopped that behavior many many years ago, and then even went to really formally apologize for what I did to him as a kid, and told him it was because I didn't like myself, and it was never his fault that I treated him so badly. He accepted my apology and I guess I expected things to be different but the damage may have already been done. Any time I extend an olive branch so to speak, he is cold and distant. My initial anger was at realizing that I guess he doesn't want me involved in his life. So perhaps I probably should stop trying and accept that this is our relationship now.