I have this problem too and like to share what happened to me in 2021. I had a little over two years clean at that point, I’d gone back to school to finish my degree and move on to med school, I was holding down a steady job and saving enough to support myself and pay for school, I was in the best mental health space I think I’ve ever been, and I had a great relationship and meaningful friendships. That feeling of missing that rush.. that feeling, was always in the back of my mind. Sometimes more than others, but it started to become more and more often until I had a “mini” relapse. At least I told myself it was just a mini one, until suddenly it wasn’t anymore.

I lost everything I had worked for. It wasn’t just the two years clean, it was every thing I had gained in those two years. I’m 102 days sober again, and I’m very fucking proud of that. But the pain of having gotten so far just to lose it all again is so strong. It’s so scary to try to start over.. almost even scarier than it was the first time. So, I guess I’m just saying every time you have that feeling that you miss it to think about all the other things you’ll miss if you relapse. Even if you survive it, don’t end up in jail, and all the worst stuff - you’ll still lose all the good things you’ve brought into your life.