Damn brother. It’s gonna be a rough ride. You will get through it, as you have in the past. History repeats itself for better or for worse. There will be a time when it will actually be the last time. If it is this time, amazing. If not, that’s ok and be sure to try again. The liberty of that fist time/month having leftovers, followed by the second month and so on is self-reinforcing. Just because this has repeatedly happened for you doesn’t make this forever the case. Focus on the negatives of overuse when you do the cognitive work (yes I am a social worker) and not even pretend there is the facade of any positive aspect to overuse. Don’t get too down on yourself- it won’t do anything other than perpetuate what you are experiencing. It’s gonna suck for a few weeks maybe even a month or so, but it will get better. A little little better, BUT it DOES get better. You are human- forgive yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself as you are. Self-compassion will bring you closer to moderating your use than self-hatred. Be well and be kind to yourself. You are loved. Happy holidays, brother.