I wish I could fall asleep on cue.

I messaged my crush to Skype them but they said they are too busy, which is believable because they are working very hard to get into uni. ;_; I was kinda sad they said no and considered not responding, but I said "I understand, later after ok" because they really did nothing wrong. When I was there this person really seemed to like-like me and I them but then I had to leave...I feel bad b/c I don't really want to Skype my other friends I met while there, just this one person, but they are busy. You want what you can't have? Maybe. But even when they told me they couldn't I think they still tried to show they like me, just they can't really do anything. They said not "this time" and some things that are hard to translate from Japanese, like putting an elongated "naaaa" at the end of the sentence to give a sense of longing. I don't want to smother them either...I send them a friendly message once a month asking about them and they seem to reciprocate when I put on the cute. But am I imagining things? I'm trying to get myself to stop liking this person but want to see if they will reciprocate my feelings again once they are in uni and less stressed. I just want to go back. I hate that my life I built abroad was ripped up just as I was getting comfortable, but it was necessary for me to return. I have to finish college and then I can go back easily. But that's another 3 years - it's not even completely about my ~tru luv~, I just miss it so much. Sometimes I catch these smells that trigger memories of it all and it's so frustrating. For anyone wanting to study abroad, it is the most rewarding accomplishment albeit a heart-wrenching experience when you leave. If you end up liking the country it starts an obsession, like a Mars baby taken away from Mars. But the time will come eventually, as I look back on where I was 3 years ago and the fact that it is, indeed, 3 years later. sigh Thanks for listening