Okay, so after much consideration and a lot of good advice from Reddit, I decided to keep my fat mouth shut about my sister's wedding.

Then, she called and invited my cousin (26 F) and I out to lunch. I was really happy at the opportunity to spend time with my sister, as I think that part of the resentment I had built up about the wedding was stemming from the fact that I hadn't hung out with her in a while. In my mind, I kind of separated my wonderful sister and this bride who is throwing the world's trashiest wedding. I just needed to see my wonderful sister again to realize, hey, my wonderful sister is throwing a shit wedding and that's okay.

So I was felling pretty optimistic until I get to lunch with my sister and my cousin, Gina. We had just ordered our food when my sister says, "So you guys are probably wondering why I've asked you here today..."

Gina and I just look at each other like, Oh. I guess it's not because we're family and you love us?

My sister continues, "I wanted to talk about what you're planning for the bridal shower." Gina almost spat out her drink. "You're having a bridal shower?" I asked, in total disbelief. My sister pouted. She rolled her eyes. She said, "Well, usually, planning the shower falls into the hands of the bridesmaids."

Again, Gina and I look at each other. Gina says "We're bridesmaids?" As I mentioned in my first post, this was not planned to be a traditional wedding. No one but the bride was walking down the aisle. We don't have matching dresses. This was supposed to be a very casual affair.

Then my sister says, "I just wanted to make sure you got everyone on the guest list," and pulls out a list of like 20+ people. Gina and I are in shock. This lunch happened on Valentine's Day, and my sister's wedding is next Friday. I brought this up to my sister and she shrugged. "I thought you guys would have planned it already," she says.

I open my mouth to apologize to my sister, and to tell her that maybe it's too late in the game for a bridal shower, when Gina literally stands up. She's like "You know what? No! You seriously expect all these people to buy you two gifts when you're not even buying them dinner?"

My sister looks hurt. I want to say something, but at the same time, I kinda want to see how this plays out. I had decided to keep my big fat mouth shut, and I was doing just that.

Gina then just absolutely lays into my sister. Honestly, it got a little mean. She berated my sister and called her cheap and tactless and trashy. One gem I specifically remember was like, "Oh, so you don't want to pay for a wedding, but you want your sister and me to pay for a party celebrating your marriage." She also said something along the lines of "And now we're bridesmaids? Well, you know you're traditionally supposed to get the bridesmaids gifts, but I doubt that's happening!"

Then, comes this bomb from my sister. Prepare yourself. "I can't afford to buy anyone gifts! I'm a student, okay? And it's not like James (her fiance) and I can just cancel Europe for this summer!"

Ummm, what? Oh, yeah, turns out my sister and her fiance can't afford to have a real wedding because they spent all their money on a European honeymoon.

This made Gina EXPLODE with anger. I don't even remember most of what she said, I was just trying to calm her down. Gina pushed my sister and left the restaurant before our food even got to our table. I followed Gina outside and tried to calm her down but she was having none of it. She was practically foaming at the mouth. I told her I would finish up with my sister and I would call her when I got home, so hopefully she would have time to cool off. (Side note: Gina is planning a more "traditional" wedding in April for which I am the MoH. I have already sent out the invitations for her bridal shower. It seemed like this was possibly an underlying issue for my sister.) After Gina left, I went back to our table and my sister was sobbing. She said that, out of the 120 people she invited, only 25 had said they would come. She was deeply upset that her so-called friends wouldn't even shell out the cash for their own dinner to celebrate their wedding.

I explained to her that saying "Buy your own dinner/here's my expensive registry" on her invitations was akin to saying "I don't care if you come, I just want gifts." She said that it had never occurred to her. She ended the lunch by basically saying "If people don't know me well enough to know that I would rather have them at my wedding than their gifts, then they probably shouldn't be at my wedding afterall."

I could've spent an hour explaining to her that people didn't just come up with this shit on their own; she had led them to believe that with her words and actions. But I didn't. I just hugged her, paid for lunch, and left. I called Gina when I got home and apparently my sister had already called her to apologize. Gina still sounded pretty pissed, but we agreed that we would ride to the wedding together and have a good time, for better or worse.

I'll post my final update after the wedding this weekend.

tl;dr: My cousin flipped a totally justified shit on my sister, who it turns out is actually clueless (with a small side of selfish).