I just don't see a difference between saying "I like brunettes" and "I like black women".

Were brunettes historically denied mortgages by people of your ethnicity? Were brunettes redlined into their own neighborhoods? Did brunettes die on the road because they could go to "blonde-only" hospitals? Were brunette women unconsensually sterilized by white doctors? Were brunette women kept as concubines?

They are VASTLY different situations, qualities, and contexts.

I don't think it has anything to do with the subject of racism.

Then you would be mistaken.

Terms like racial fetishism only serves to keep the idea of racial separation alive in people's mindsets.

No, what keeps "racial separation" alive is white and light colored races placing themselves as "higher" on a hierarchical scale, and one of the ways they do that is by "ebony queen" type language.

It's a common misconception that pointing out racism is "the real cause" of racism. It's a common misconception you have.

When people look at each other's skin color the same way they look at hair color, that's when there's a chance racism will end

Racism is not perpetuated by black people asking for respectful language, it's perpetuated by white people not listening to black people.