Best r/soccer comment ever

Here’s a small selection:

Penalties. Ghosting. Tap ins. Diving.

Long ago, the four lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Chileans attacked. Only Pessi, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when his country needed him most, he vanished.

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I was at the pet shop looking for a dog. I spotted a dog in the corner named Penaldo. He looked finished so I was going to buy him since his value was low. I asked how much he cost but was told Penaldo wasn't for sale. The worker said "Sorry but Penaldo is already Messi's dog"

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Soo happy! Pionel Pessi accepted my invitation to come to my house! He arrived in his Lamborghini Gallardo but something tragic happened! I asked him whether he wanted Garlic Tea or Normal Tea but he said Penaltea which I didnt have, unfortunately.

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I visited the Bank of Eibar yesterday. The staff asked me for my fingerprints and mobile number. I asked them why they added so much security. They told me that a man named Pessi had been committing fraud for years against their fragile defence. I was shocked but not surprised.