To the entire first set of questions: no. He doesn't make as much money as I do but he does contribute what he can to our joint bank account for bills. This does include car insurance and car payments but because he is so bad with money I let him make his contribution and just do whatever with the rest of his money because I really have no idea how it disappears anyway. Usually I end up putting way more money into the car or paying the most money to fix problems when unexpected things happen, even unrelated to the car, and often it will come out of what I had wanted to be my "fun money". I also made the initial down payment.
His parents won't lend us money because they are not financially in a position to. Neither are my parents. I don't know why they won't stop and buy groceries on the way home, that is a problem that I keep trying to address that has been consistently ignored. I probably will have to just order groceries online because I have a phobia of tap water (personal issue) and I've been drinking milk and sugar water (tea, soda) and it's getting ridiculous.
He realizes how serious the financial situation is which is why he won't "allow" the payday loan. I have tried to argue the points I've made here but when upset he just shuts down and refuses to discuss things. I have compared it to trying to rationalize with a child about getting his shots. I'd love to sit down and go over the numbers with him but it's like pulling teeth, he just gets upset and doesn't want to talk anymore. We otherwise have a great relationship, it's just this one thing that he really sucks at.
There isn't much in the way of charities where I live other than food banks.