I started practicing mindfulness around the beginning of 2015. I wasn't really sure what I was doing, but I was depressed and intrusive thoughts, anger, negativity, sadness, complaining and laziness were all a big part of my life. I was rarely happy with anything, cried a lot, got overwhelmed with simple things. I didn't like myself and felt people didn't like me either. About July 2015 I started focusing on it more and feeling a bit of a positive benefit, so it took a while.

Then in October 2015 I started a bit of breathing meditation after I moved cities and cold-turkey quit smoking pot. I decided I wanted to be present in my life and so I focused on that. It's how I control everything about myself now; am I present? I'm not sure control is the right word there, but I can't pinpoint what being present changed for me. I congratulated myself for the small achievements and enjoyed the small things that are easy to forget or ignore.

With my thoughts and emotions I worked on feeling them, assessing them and letting them go, where as I used to feel them and replay them over and over, working myself into a really bad mental cycle. I don't ever ask myself questions with no answer; I used to dwell on the point of my life and it never brought me any happiness. I used to be very angry, I'd flip quickly, now I don't. I haven't "raged" in many months. I'm calmer and kinder due to assessing how I feel before acting or speaking on it. When I have something to say I think first, is it mean or negative. When I catch that it is, I say nothing. So I do talk less, but I think it benefits me. I still struggle at times when I get passionate about something, I use my words wrong, but it's a journey and I'm learning, so I don't get too hung up on it. I notice it and move forward. I still cringe at things I've said and actions I've taken and that feeling, while brief, keeps me on the path.

I'm glad it's working for you! It's cathartic to just share with someone in a similar situation. It's a long road, but as thing change and you feel good and better, it all becomes worth it. I feel lucky that I am here. I have a passion for my life that I lost a long time ago and it fills me with warmth and pride that I'm working to get it back.