Here is my story. Im an anti-public pooper, home base is where I safely deliver my cargo. I would even drive home between classes just for poop. Im ok with temporary home bases like hotels, beyond that I'm in enemy territory.
I was about 19 when i first went in a public bathroom, it was a no other choice situation. I went to go visit a girl with some friends at Illinois State, we would all be staying in her dorm. Cramped lodging aside, it was a good night, make out sesh with our hospitable host, maybe would have been more if there weren't 3 other people in the room. I digress, that morning I got that all to familiar feeling in my bowels. Now, usually I'm the king of holding it, this was not that time. It was go time, but Im 3 hours from home and with a girl that Im starting to like, my bowel nightmare. I try to be cool "hey um..where's the bathroom?" "Oh, ill show you," she says. I walk gingerly. Playing it cool. Bathroom logistics is something I usually plan for, I let my guard down on this one. "since this is an all girls dorm floor, ill have to wait outside the door," she says. You'll what!? I thought. I need my space. Certain sounds and smells might transpire. "Oh ok," i say as smooth as possible. I go in there and just stand and look at myself in the mirror, the urge was strong with this one, but my brain wanted no part of this disaster. My brain vs. bowel chess match. Quick think of something, i got it! Ill go to the mcdonalds and dock there. So i stay in there for the standard pee time and come out with the urge as strong as ever. "Hey I'm hungry can we grab some mcdonalds?" I wasn't hungry. In fact, I didn't want to add more mickey d's fuel to the fire. "everyone is still sleeping,"she says. Hell with that, we are at deacon 1 here. So i wake everybody up, tell them i need to get home but we should go to mcdonalds first. It felt like an eternity for them to go from from wake to in the car. "Is something wrong?" ,my buddy asks. As I'm holding back beads of sweat, "nah, I'm cool man."
Finally we arrive, and at this point fuck public bathroom, Id go anywhere, even in a supersize cup behind the garbage bins. "hey before i order Im gonna wash my hands," I sputter out. I head towards the bathroom, at least its a mens bathroom i thought. I make it to the stall and whats this? the lock is fuckin broken? Damnation! So i quickly lay about a 10-ply between me and the toilet seat, and here goes nothing. Just then, a trucker, barges into the bathroom and makes a b-line right into my stall, we lock eyes. Im mortified. I just stare. I don't know what else to do. I can't get up and run from this. And all I can muster out is, "Im in here" "oh," he turns and walks out of the bathroom and perhaps out of mcdonalds.
Ive grown since that fateful day, I no longer drive home to poop, I believe it built my character. But my no mistake, to me theres nothing like sitting on my home base toilet as I write this. ;) tl;dr the perfect shit storm