3 years..It was to the point of leaving therapy or saying it. Leaving therapy and possibly dying. Likely. They didn't blink an eye, didn't blush, no squirming, didn't laugh in my face or smile or frown or scream. Everything I feared did not happen.
They accepted me. They understood.
Jesus, to look another person in the eyes who I trust and tell them "I love you" while of coarse maintaining all professional boundaries and having them nod in acceptance. It was an experience that I don't regret. This is the healthiest relationship, the most intimate, ive ever had. God in a way it's more intimate because there's no sex to F it up, I know that sounds counterintuitive but just on a fundamental human mind level. Bodies cloud things up. I'm well aware I don't know all their baggage. We are lucky as clients that we know them in the Present. Past doesn't matter. Now matters. Mindfulness matters. I try and live in the now. In the past I was an alcoholic. I was a heroin addict. I destroyed all of my relationships by trying to self medicate anxiety and depression. Past I put a loaded revolver to my head and pulled the trigger playing roulette. I liked that feeling so much I did it again. I was sick. I thought that's what it's like to be alive. Today I have healthy relationships. I'm sober. I do what I say. I have a job. I'm on time. Today I still have anxiety and depression. It sucks. Therapy helps. Medication helps. Yoga helps. Eating healthy helps. I am not fixed. I'm a work in progress. Today I'm alive. Really alive. Oh & Most therapists nowadays do not cling to one theory and only one theory and that's it. They do what's best for the client. It's all hodgepodge even if the specialize in a single school. So yeah, mine does CBT but we still talk about childhood bs.
Love is an emotion. It's something you feel. When you feel love it's not something else. Love is love. You define love. Transference is real but don't let it diminish how you feel.