Hey. I feel you buddy, I really do. This is a throwaway acct - I made a submission here too. Read it if you feel like commiserating.

I know just how shitty you feel right now. We'll get through this. Pain is hard to bear, but it's also a powerful teacher if you let it be. Let yourself miss her. You're grieving. It is completely natural.

I don't know you, but it sounds like from this comment that maybe some counselling or therapy may be a good idea. And though it may feel hollow for now, I do strongly suggest getting back into shape. You will feel anger - because if you're anything like me, you're probably a fkn hot mess of emotions right now too. Channel that anger into your workout. It doesn't bring her back, and you may cry and freak out people in your gym, but it is harder to feel shitty when you've worked out. It'll also help you sleep.

And you said it yourself - you can see your qualities. Your wit, your intellect, and your sensitivity, your compassion for others. Now is the time to turn that compassion for others inward and let yourself grieve and begin to heal.