Portland, I love you.

I hitchhiked here from Denver in 2012, having heard great things. I cancelled my plans to go WWOOF'ing in New Zealand, just to rent an apartment and hike for the summer. I loved your beer, your sunny summer, your food. I made a pact that I'd always be back, and to settle for good...

Well, I came back, in 2017. I noticed the criddlers, the massive increase in traffic, the general anxiety levels getting ratcheted up. I ignored it. I bought a Subaru. I blew through my savings. I drank at Cascade, De Garde, The Commons, Hair of the Dog, Great Notion, Base Camp. I ate at Nong's, Escape from NY, Pok Pok, Pho Hung, that burrito place in Tillamook that kicks so much ass.

I'm an idiot, just like everybody else.

I found a job, doing something I don't like, and now I've got a job offer back home, back East, in the snowy, less rainy, much less passive-agressive East. Where people drive fast and give you the finger if you don't. I'm out of money here, even though I saved twice as much as I'd ever banked in my life. I knew I couldn't fail this time. I applied to 50 bartending jobs, interviewed for 10, even with a great resume, and received 0 offers.

Count me among the defeated. I'm returning back East, tail between legs, finally able to say that I tried to make it in Portland, and failed. My dream of settling down in the PNW is dead. And I urge everyone from California, Iowa, and even NY, to return home and leave Portland alone.

I'll be taking my Subaru with me. I'll need winter tires where I'm going ;(