Back in the 1970's, prisoners in H division at Pentridge gaol had to break rocks with a sledgehammer as part of their punishment. This activity served no other purpose other than doing the task for the task's sake.

One such prisoner was Vito 'Figs' Figliomeni. A man very well respected in the wider community and even more so in Gaol - by fellow prisoners and screws alike( except for one). Vito was doing time for defending the honour of one of his family members and considered gaol a small price to pay.

Now almost all prisoners hated spending a large part of their day breaking rocks. Figs, however, liked it. Despite being 62 years of age, and relatively short at 5 foot 2 inches, he had the strength of a bear, and liked to keep fit.

Figs was a man of few words, and preferred to whistle tunes from the old country. When he did decide to speak...others listened.

One day, while Figs was busy smashing up rocks in the labour yard, a young, cocksure bloke named, Chopper, yelled out at Figs, and said that Figs reminded him of a "Circus Dwarf". Figs pretended not to hear the outrageous slur, and kept at his task, whistling softly, but making plans for the one they called, Chopper.

The next morning, after Figs had emptied his shit-can( cells were not connected to the sewerage pipes in those days), and made his way down to the industry workshop - with a spring in his step.

Figs could more or less roam the gaol at will and no screw dared challenge him, so no one batted an eyelid when Figs filled up his shit-can with nuts and bolts from the workshop. He then returned to H division.

Upon arriving in H division he saw Chopper spinning yarns to a few of the other lads. Figs quickly moved in from behind and brought his nuts and bolts filled shit-can crashing down on Chopper's noggin with such force, that those who witnessed it, thought Chopper had surely just been killed.

Figs then squatted over the unconscious Chopper, undid his trousers, and snapped a huge log( brown trout) off in Chopper's mouth.

Figs was then heard to say : " and that's that".

The following morning, Chopper, who had nearly suffocated thanks to Figs's log being wedged in his wind-pipe and with his skull partially caved in, decided to cut his ears off to get away from Figs.

I dedicate this story to Low_Hanging_Fruit.