I'm sorry about all the abuse you have suffered. I have been very fortunate not to have had abuse from a partner. I can't even begin to imagine what that is like. I hope your therapy is healing you.

Yes, I suppose there is emotional intimacy lacking in our relationship. But I also wonder if I'm just the type of person who really thrives during the early stages of a relationship, when it's all new, and then gets bored when it has been so long it is all just a common part of everyday life.

I have girl friends, but I really struggle to feel close and trusting with them. Men that I've crushed on in the past include coworkers, a boss, a brother-in-law (I felt most terrible about this one) and my current crush is a courier driver who I only see once a week, sometimes less! I seem to connect with them over a shared sense of humour and having similar interests. None of them had abusive pasts that I know of. The courier driver flirts with me and is rather charming, so I am basically smitten but I know nothing about him. I don't even know his name and I dare not ask.