Apologies for lower-case, I was typing this out in g-chat with a friend:

when i was sixteen, i started chatting on aim with a gay man from australia named brandon. but he liked to be called "roo." we were both sixteen and angsty and had a lot of shit in common. he said he lived in michigan with his aunt and uncle because his mother was an alcoholic, and his father was dead.

anyway, we couldn't talk on the phone because he had "cancer" and it affected his hearing. but he had a full-fledged, detailed myspace---you name it! eventually, i call bullshit, and say: dude, i know you're a girl. it's okay, i don't care. she e-mails me and says you're right! i'm sorry. god, this is embarrassing, etc. turns out, she's a girl named vanessa (not her real name) who was australian and lived in michigan with her aunt and uncle. i go away to college for my first semester in rural pa. i come back, and i say: hey, roo, wouldn't it be so awesome if we went to school together?! because i was iming her all the time detailing my exploits while i discovered adulthood, sexuality, drinking, marijuana and the like. she was having a terrible time fitting in during her first semester at school.

she says: okay! and she registers, and gets accepted to my school over the late spring/summer. i go home for the summer in new jersey. i get my roommate form in the mail. my roommate, vanessa [last name redacted] (i requested her) her address, phone number, etc. the only problem? her address was in ______, new jersey. the next town over. a three minute drive.

i recount the story to my friends in a jersey diner. it's still summertime, a month before the semester begins. they tell me it's game-fucking-over. well, not for me! i am just so excited to have a friend that loves THE EXACT SAME THINGS I DO

i say: "well, we're going to philly to hang out tonight." they say "NOOO," but i say: "YUP" so roo pulls up outside of my house. i open the door, and by god, it's me. red lipstick. same black haircut. scarf in the hair. similar outfit, big earrings, all the rage i had when i was that age. she was just shorter and kind of husky. i don't register that this is some single white female shit,

so we have an awesome time in philly. she admits at some point that she has seen me in person before. actually, at target once with a short-lived boyfriend. she was working there, and she'd seen my myspace/knew what i looked like and all that jazz. she said it broke her heart, and i just wasn't picking up on the lesbian vibes. or if was, i just chose to ignore it, because i wanted her to be who i wanted her to be in my head.

so we have a fun summer. we move to school in the fall, dorm room together.

everything is going swimmingly! i introduce her to my friends, bring her to parties, etc. after awhile she starts acting kinda weird. she'd get shit-faced and roll on the ground and cry that she loved me.

she found a temporary fuck-buddy so the heat was off of me for awhile. but she started stealing my clothes and saying they were hers. i knew it was mine, but i just didn't feel like being confrontational. one day, her dad calls the dorm room line. i say, :sir, no, this isn't her dad. her father is dead." he responds with: "

fussycakes, i am not dead, what else has she told you?"

we're in for a long conversation. she had never been to australia let alone was born there, she grew up in jersey all of her life, she was raised by her healthy, loving parents. he did say he always thought it was odd that he'd walk by the computer room to find her mimicking an australian accent.

so he's a little concerned about her mental stability for obvious reasons. i say i'll talk to her, and he pleads with me to not be too harsh. i just kind of feel bad for her at that point. i tell her that i think she's awesome, that she doesn't need to lie to impress me or anyone else, and to not do it anymore, because i'm not an idiot. she cries, but everything goes back to normal. i also don't tell any mutual friends about her lies to save her the embarrassment. eventually, i start dating this guy, and then she just loses it. i mean, detaches herself, won't talk to me, is moody, makes snide comments, etc. i'll never forget playing scrabble in bed with my new boyfriend and she's playing kingdom hearts and SHE HAD THE VOLUME SO HIGH YOU COULD HEAR DONALD DUCK SCREAMING and i asked her to turn it down. she then proceeded to storm out of the dorm room. now, there was this notebook that she always let me read, because we read one another's writing, so i wanted to know what the fuck was up. well, lo and behold--- one page is a letter to me saying that if he breaks my heart, she'll kill him. then another poem about killing him.

then another letter that basically says "goodbye forever, fussycakes." and then finally, the kicker (and i'm trying to see if my ex-bf can remember the password to his photobucket cos there is an actual picture of this) a crudely drawn picture of me with the words: "SLUT, WHORE, CARELESS, FUCK YOU, LIAR" and other pleasant adjectives swirling around it, just dozens and dozens of words, with this hard-pressing, angry pencil.

that's it. that is what does it for me. i storm down to the computer lab, and say: "roo, you need to pack your shit and move out of my room. i do not feel safe with you living here anymore."

she doesn't say a word.

for a few days she's staying in some other girl's dorm.

then one day, i go to class, and i come back. most of her shit is gone. she left her tv, playstation, a lot of books, clothes, but for the most part, she just threw her clothes and makeup into a bag and drove back to new jersey. i get a call on the dorm phone a week later. it's some lady. she asks for vanessa, and i tell her that she moved out. the woman tells me that she broke down on the side of the road and that she let her borrow some gas money to get home, and that was the number to reach her. i tlet the lady know she probably won't get her money back and i don't remember her forwarding address.

that was the last time i ever heard from roo---

TLDR; met a gay australian man online who was actually a girl, we roomed together in college, and she brought on a tornado of shit.