This won't get read, but I'm posting just to go through the act of typing it, I think.

Knowing how much my wife had sex with her high school boyfriend.

We've been married a long time, and the entirety of our marriage has been an excruciatingly painful dead bedroom. One story, but I'm unwilling to leave because two of my kids are disabled and the thought of leaving them is unbearable. Anyway, in my worst year of marriage while my wife was out of town, I went through her old things. I don't know what I was hoping to find, but what I did find was an old diary and a series of annual calendars. Annotated on the calendars was every time she'd had sex with her HS boyfriend. And that's when I knew that A) the had more sex in three years of dating him than in 10 years of being married to me, and B) that she likely had so much sex before she met me that she's literally done with it... She's bored with it and literally had her fill before we even met.

Yeah, she showed me a good time when we met, and felt I had every inclination that she was a sexual person, but I was wrong and I never even thought to talk with her about how important sex is to me before we got married. I foolishly thought she loved me so much that our dating behavior would transfer over into marriage. I was wrong.

And now. I ache that she fucked this abusive, manipulative, lying, cheating piece of shit at will, but with me, her husband, the man who dotes and has doted on her for 15 years now, I have to scrounge for starfish get-it-over-with sex only every now and then.

It's better now than it was, but now I have trouble keeping an erection and things are more difficult, and I feel like my prime has gone to waste when a healthy, loving sex life was what I always dreamt of having.