Gonna rant and probably delete it in the morning.

Just hung out with my ex, she dumped me about a month ago. I still love her and I've been trying to move on but deep inside I really just want her. She broke up with me over me following other girl on social media. I know she's just insecure. She's broken up with me multiple times, makes me pretty beta for getting back with her but we share so many interests she really became my best friend, I have a lot of friends so that's pretty impressive. Anyway, this is pretty bad but the first time she dumped me she slept with her ex almost immediately and I was so foolish I got back with her about a week later while knowing everything(what's wrong with me?). Second time, I don't even remember why we broke up, something stupid. Third time, other girls on social media.

Today we're drinkin and I go to the bathroom, when I get back, she has searched my computer and found some skype chats that I had with a few girls over the last month. She flipped out, never seen anyone cry like that before. She said some nasty stuff to me that's really hurting right now and I took her home.

She basically collapsed on her driveway crying and it was about 3am so I called her mom to come out and get her as she mentioned she wanted to hurt herself so I wanted her mom to keep an eye on her.

She then proceeded to message to me how shitty I am and that I'm not even a human being and I ruined her life etc.

Her mom messages me and says that I need The Heavenly Father in my life.

Fuck that family. Fuck my life.

At first when she was crying I didn't even feel bad because I knew I didn't do anything wrong but then it just kept sinking in and I felt worse and worse and now I feel like dying though I'd never intentionally harm myself as I know there's more to life than women/love. But god damn I have never been so depressed in my life.

At least I set a bench pr today 235x8

Well, at least she didn't find out about my trip to Tahoe. That probably would have made her kill herself and then idk what id do with myself.

No more relationships for me for at least 2 years I legitimately don't think I can handle it after this girl. Thought she was the one. Damn I'm an idiot.