Lost a pregnancy when my grandfather was dying. His mind was wondering he thought i was my grandmother and it made him so happy. He was the only family i had left and i couldn't tell him because he didn't know who i was. I then miscarried and couldn't take time to grieve because he needed me and wouldn't understand why i missed a visit. He would only eat when he thought my grandmother (me) was there. I've never felt more helpless and alone than when i was on the floor bleeding in my bathroom. I was loosing my grandfather and my son and their was nothing i could do. The worst day was a few months later when my consultant told me i might be infertile. I saw a young women with a baby and just dropped to my knees crying. Thinking my miscarriage might be the closest i would ever get to having a child. I was abused as a child and that was my hope. To have my own family. I beat ptsd and depression i have 4 chronic pain conditions and i kept going for what? I had surgery and am in theory fine now but it was just one thing after another and that is when i broke. It felt like my lungs collapsed and my soul was ripped out of me.