Aw Fleming, pain sucks ass. Even as we accumulate more awareness and cultivation of who and where we want to be, it doesn't stop to process of exposing the darkness in a variety of ways (all painful and confusing) so they're fully illuminated and no longer an issue. Something I've taken from Buddhism is attachment is the root of all suffering; if there's anything in your life that you feel incomplete without, then you've got to figure out how you can be perfectly happy by yourself. Do you put limitations on yourself in any way? There are no limits my dear, time on this Earth is too precious to set up confining walls in our minds or hearts.
Most importantly, don't set yourself apart from others. It's isolating on so many levels, it's like creating an unnecessary wall that will only cause you suffering. When you're out in public, do you allow people to be your mirrors, or do you determine in your mind they're not like you? I definitely can understand how it's impossible to put all of your inner workings and beliefs on display to others in a constricting language that doesn't even offer enough words; a lot of it is meant for us to figure out by ourselves.
Please know that everyone is struggling on this planet, but how you look at it is what matters the most. Perspective is everything, there's no right way to look at the world. A good way to imagine how it makes a difference is try reading a storybook out loud and change the tones in the way you read it. Experience how something as tiny as the tone you use changes what the story means. And in this existence, you only attract what you mentally create, you choose your own experiences. I picture this Earth with so much potential, there are so many options in which to live your life! You've got to like and love yourself, attachment to others and things are like safety blankets and they're highly unreliable, they don't have the answers you seek.
What's helped me the most is realizing that no one will ever understand me. I grieved over that idea and was quite sad for a little while, but it passed and I was able to look elsewhere with 100% effort instead of having something to always fall back on when things weren't turning out how I would've liked. I don't mean to display this as the 'right' way to do things, but I want to share a bit of my heart and experiences with you in hopes that something in there will assist you to where you want to be.
Do you get out in nature very often and just let yourself observe everything? No thinking about other things, sitting there and absorbing all of the natural flow with all of your senses is incredible. It's kind of like realigning with flow, especially somewhere with a body of water (rivers are better than lakes for this imo, but lakes are still great)! Take care sweet Fleming, I hope I've said something that gives you something awesome to think about.