Man, I don't know why, but this question leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.

Maybe it's the fact that most types tend to date within their own types--twinks with twinks, bears with bears--and while there are a ton of exceptions, I think if you had any actual gay friends, you would see that this has nothing to do with recreating heteronormative values. It's just a subcultural set of aesthetics, like literally any other subculture that has ever existed has. Some people play to these, others do not.

Gay culture (Trowing shade, drag queens, shebonics, houses, ball culture, runway, vogue, et al) has many aspects that don't even hold true from city to city. In general, the more underground stuff like ball culture was important for the gay community and still deserves a place in it. You can thank these participants for the kind of visibility we have today. This has absolutely nothing to do with the internet and everything to do with surviving as a gay man in the city in the 60's-80's. These were important meeting places and events for people who had absolutely no other way to express their sexuality. As a result, they became hypersexualized. I can see why a person who is asexual could find that off-putting. I think you should watch Paris is Burning because it would shed some light on these people.

The contemporary gay experience does not necessitate gay slang, gay speech patterns, or gay mannerisms. But there was a time when that was absolutely needed to mark yourself as a "friend of Dorothy," or you could go your entire life and never knowingly meet another out gay man.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that these words did not pop up when they invented Grindr. It's been a long cultural tradition with a history that few appreciate. The kind of people who find this dehumanizing don't participate in this part of the culture.