I was trying to edit my post and accidentally deleted. Then I saw you deleted, but I’m going to repost anyway.

Moving for a partner to a city you don’t like works best in one way, IMO.

1. He uses his BAH to provide for your shared living space. This shows care for you as it acknowledges the sacrifices you’ve made and doesn’t expect you to pay for a situation that he chose to be in. You can provide by doing domestic duties/buying household things/housesitting.
2. By not paying for his needs in living space/location, you buy a house in your favorite city or build up a savings account so that you can buy a house or rent for yourself if needed.

This will benefit you BOTH in many ways. I’ll use my situation as an example.

1. By owning my own house in my favorite city, the knowledge of her existence makes me happy and secure. I have maintained my identity. I feel safe knowing I am not forcibly dependent on my man.
2. I have a place to go when he is deployed - this allows him to save money as he can break his lease without worrying about providing a house for me.
3. If I cheat on him, he can kick my little ass out without any issues since we’re not 50/50 on a lease.
4. If he cheats on me, I pack up my storage cubes and go back to my home.
5. I’m never forced to stay dependent on an abusive partner; and by me being independent, he also feels secure knowing I’m not after his assets.
6. All of this means we are choosing to live together never because we have to, but because we WANT to. Me choosing to give all of myself to him despite never having to reinforces the feeling of love; and I feel the same from him. He is never providing or paying from a place of pity. He does it because he genuinely wants me in his space.

If you feel you’re going into this at a disadvantage, don’t do it. It sets you up to be taken advantage of or puts you in a place of dependence where you lose your identity and become depressed. My best advice to you is to follow your own aspirations, acquire a place in your city you can always go to, and then “move in” in a way that still grants you both flexibility. Love him fiercely while loving yourself.