It's time to put up.

It's clear he wants nothing to do with you, and pushing him to forgive you is just going to resent you more.

I'm leery about sharing this story publicly, and maybe I'll delete it later, but fuck it. When I was 12 years old my 7 year old cousin had a physical was found to have a bruised vagina and was asked if anyone had molested her. For some reason she said I touched her. I have no fucking clue why, and as an adult, I don't want to traumatize her for whatever her 7 year old brain was thinking or what she actually went through.

My parents flipped, my aunt and uncle flipped. It ruined my life. I had to go to counseling 3 times a week with a therapist who insisted continuously that because I couldn't explain why she had named me that I must have done it. I was asked about how I masturbated, subject to scrutiny, given all kinds of truth-testing processes (which I passed) put on lithium for some bullshit bipolar diagnosis, put in an institution for offenders for 3 weeks where I was abused by some of the older kids, and wound up depressed. Finally after both of my therapists said they had never seen someone refuse to admit guilt for so long, my cousin admitted I had nothing to do with it. And my parents fed me some bullshit "oh, we knew you couldn't have done it the whole time" line, and expected I'd just rub some dirt in it and walk it off or something.

3 years later at 16 I had gone from straight A student to foster care, dropping out of my running start classes which was a way to get college credit in high school. Most days I was too depressed to do anything, but sleep in and then play games like the Magic card game and board games with the few friends I had.

After fighting to not be returned to my narcissist parents I ran away several times, and finally they stopped having me arrested as a runaway when I was 16. I got a job, didn't talk to them for 7 years, and finally decided as an adult of 23 I would try to patch things up with them a little again. That was ten years ago. My dad still won't admit being at fault. My mom is a little more apologetic and realizes the severity of what happened even if her apology will never fix what happened. They are divorced now, and I'm confident the shit that I went through in childhood because of them played a role in that.

So here's my advice.

Give your kid his own fucking apartment. And a car. And whatever it is he needs to get the fuck away from you for as long as it takes. Don't call him, don't talk to him, send him an email recognizing you fucked up, telling him he's welcome to continue living with him, but that you realize he might need his own space to process what has happened to him. Then tell him you're sorry and you'd like to keep in touch, but he can dictate on his terms how that communication will happen.

Then back the fuck off, and let him heal. Without you. Because you cannot help aside from to help him get away from you.