Obligatory this happened 11 years ago.

Alright, so I was 13 years old at the time, and I just won this competition. My school hosted this acting competition, and the winner got 50 bucks and an invitation to a larger event, with kids from like ten or twelve different schools, and if you got in the top three here, you got a trophy and you were entered into a lottery the schools hosted as well for free.

Long story short, I got a grand total of ten entries and the pot size was like 9000 dollars. I made a deal with my Mom, and she said that if I won, I could keep half and the other half goes to my college fund. I agreed, because here was no way I could win, right?

I won.

So, I suddenly was a thirteen year old with 4500 dollars to spend whatever with. I spent like a thousand dollars on a computer, and didn't know what do get from there.

I don't remember where, but somewhere I found a guy selling this giant boat that looks like a rubber dick. Based on the pictures, it looked really nice. It was motorized, had a small interior, and I wanted it.

I spent 3100 dollars on that goddamn thing and I was proud. In hind sight, I probably should have run this by my parents beforehand, so they could have stopped me.

I waited three weeks, and the day that it was supposed to be here came. I waited anxiously by the window looking out into the front, when this pickup truck stops by my house. He knocks on the door, and I quickly open it.

He basically said there was a semi truck waiting outside my neighborhood, but it wasn't allowed inside, so I had to come get it.

A bit surprising, but I set up a wagon-type device to put this boat on, and head out to the Truck Stop about a mile outside the neighborhood and finally got there.

This thing was at least 8 feet high, like 5 feet wide and 10 feet long. At least.

I called some friends over to help me get it over to my house, and it took a long time, but we finally got it there and put it down. I got up and took a look inside.

It's trash. It's rusty, the steering wheel and peddles didn't work, and when I was standing inside it, the entire room kinda sunk down. You couldn't even see out of the window.

I knew it was homemade, but I was expecting something a little more durable.

Of course, being the optimistic guy I am, I think that it will just take some fixing up.

At this point, however, my parents come out. They were only told that I got a big rubber dick, but this far bigger than what I told them.

They said we aren't going to have room for it. I got yelled at, but I don't blame them.

I was like "don't worry! It's a boat, it will just stay in the pond in our backyard!"

It didn't float. At all. The metal was too heavy for the floatation device to carry.

In the end, we paid took it to the city dump.

TLDR: Bought dick boat that didn't look like pictures, we didn't have room for, and didn't float when I was 13. Wasted 3200 bucks and my dignity.