Hello again, friend, I just thought I would give an update of the situation. I did a hefty dose of acid, around 800 micrograms, if the blotters were dosed as advertised. Now, it was an intereting trip overall, and it didn't end badly. Comeup was somewhat harsh, laying in bed shivering, not knowing what to expect. CEVs and OEVs, feeling of time being circular and increasingly slowed down, but no paranoia, or fear. I felt my ego softening, and being replaced with nothing, everything, like being connected with some universal mind, without limits. At the very peak, it was great, I was completely in the moment, completely in the now, one with the wind outside my window, and one with my breath. I was not me, but a process, I was made directly aware of the impermance of everything, of the passing of wind and thoughts and ego and life in general, seeing it all from a pure, clean, equaniomous higher perspective - I imagine that deep meditation induces a similar state. I felt awakened, content, completely satisfied with just being in the moment, not forced by anything, free. Like a cat that finally stopped chasing its own tail. A direct insight that my own consciousness is nothing special, just one more activity of the universe.

I sat down, and started to analyze my problems, and eventually got lost back in the standard ego patterns and frustrations. I was saddened by the passing of that enlightened state, and at one moment on the brink of becoming very nervous, and I could see how the trip could have turned into hell, but instead of that, I decided to do yoga. I did a bunch of sun salutations, I realized that a had terrible posture, but that it can be straightened out with everyday practice. I realized the necessity of yoga, as a form of moving meditation, union of mind and body - I was too much in the mind alone.

The conclusion from the trip would be that life is unpredictable, in a constant flux, and my general awareness varies dramatically. I have those few moments of freedom as a reference point, but they are slowly fading from memory. A method is needed, a firm habit of daily meditation, first thing after waking up, every day. The mind has to be trained, mindfulness cultivated, I can't rely on drugs, I have to get there by myself. I have to constantly get back to the moment, and that's all that life is. Have to stop avoiding things, look straight into the eyes, accept everything. Have to be better towards people, because I am worth only as much as I give to others. Cultivation of this ego free, friendly perspective would really help with dealing with other people, because I wouldn't have to absorbed with my own fear and inadequacies, and I could actually give something to other people, attention, peace, humour even. But, the path is so long, and fraught with many temptations, mainly sloth, lethargy, dealing with fear through alcohol, losing the awareness because it's too painful at times to be directly aware of all the negativity. Gotta be persistent, I guess.