trying to convince women not to apologize, is antithetical to solving the problem.

I wholeheartedly agree! This is key! I am thankful that my undergrad advisor was a feminist and helped me kick the habit. He encouraged us to be more "uppity" (in his words, aka more vocal and quick with the comebacks to stand up for ourselves).

For the "sorry" habit though, my advisor would kick me out of his office every time I apologized for something that warranted no apology. Sounds harsh written down, but it was more like "nope! reset! try again without saying sorry this time, you don't deserve that!" Made a charade of actually knocking at the door again, and starting where we left off. It worked really, really well because it made it incredibly obvious how often I was doing it. Wouldn't work with every personality or situation though. The point is that constantly calling attention to it is the best way to bring awareness and eventually kick the habit!

I disagree about the victim blaming bit though. It's acknowledging a symptom rather than holding us responsible for how the world sees us (which would be victim blaming). Two sides of the same coin though, and I agree with you for the most part.