"Looking for a job. No base attacks because of smokey lung condition. CV in following bottle."
"Work experience: expert in strategy and tactics; beach landing coach; social media guru"
"Education: degree in traditional sculpture; red & dark statue specialist"
"Please help! We're stranded in a strange part of the archipelago. Follow the trail of yellow buoys and come to our rescue!"
"We were caught in a storm and ended up in an uncharted corner of the sea. There's a chain of islands in a triangular shape."
"Impossible to escape this maddening place. Come quickly, or my crew may resort to desperate measures!"
"Only myself, the bosun and the cook left now. We'll set sail one more time, aiming along the hypothenuse. Wish us luck!"
"Tired of being a small cog in the huge war machine? Join our band of fightin' retirees: The Exhausted!"
"Ancient legends talk about an age where steam powered machines roamed the sky."
"It was an age when a man's worth was measured by the grandness of his waxed moustache."
"A pivotal moment in time changed all that and out of its ashes this world was born."
"In order to decrease our environmental footprint, you are hereby ordered to stack all reactor fuel in piles no less than seven units high."
"There have been several complaints about the noxious fumes eminating from your Ominous Hatches. Please address these concerns."
"Hoganland's Heroes is an elite task force looking for new members! Join us by raising a white flag and reporting to Lt. Hammerman!"
Signatures
"Sage Warrior"
"Sage Warrior"
"Capt. Ruddero & Crew"
"Capt. Ruddero & Skeleton Crew"
"Lt. Hoganland"
"JC"
"The Chronicler"
Story
"I've been looking into marketing Shock Blasters for civilian home defense. I believe this is a stunning growth opportunity for G.A.!"
"These copyright claims are bogus. LAZOR is unique, original and the coolest possible name for our beam weapons."
"Shield Generators for cat lovers! Like it? No more replacing scratched furniture every two weeks. Shield your sofa!"
"R&D tells me we could miniaturize Damage Amplifiers for household use. No more asking \qwill it blend\q! Go or no go?"
"I know I'm supposed to stay on this deserted island until I come up with \qsomething good\q, but are these even reaching you?"
"I miss my life at the farm. I hope my nephew has learned the ropes!"
"I wonder how my old neighbor Greg is doing. He'd better not hog all of my dynamite!"
"Oh, if only Angus would see the marine life here. He'd have a shark attack!"
Signatures
"Uncle Bob"
"Col. Gearheart"
"Don from Marketing"
Extra thing I found
"Cryo Bomb"