I had suicidal thoughts yesterday. First time in quite a while, and the first time I’ve ever gotten actual thoughts about how I’d go about doing it. It frightened the hell out of me. I called my friend and told her about it, barely managing to speak through the tears. Then I spoke on the phone with my mom for a few hours.

Today I went to my shrink. It was good. But I keep having the thought of ”I don’t want to be here”. Here as in the world, life, myself. It’s a very shitty thought. I really don’t want to have it.

Going to go see my family (including my adorable nephew) for a few days tomorrow. That’s gonna be good for my mental health, I hope.