Thanks very much. She has actually been a very good friend. I went through a very hard time from about 13 to 27 and lost a lot of friends in the process (bad home life led to bad relationships, low self esteem and expectations - that whole stereotype). A lot of my friends understandably left me during that time. But not this friend. We had more distance between us, but she was still there. I now try to see her about once a month, so it isn’t too draining.
I think what’s hard for me is that during that time I had a lot of the same thoughts as her and also made poor health choices (at 20 I was 236 lbs, probably about where she is now, then pendulum swung to as an overcorrection to the other types of eating disorders - I’m so glad the bopo movement wasn’t a thing back then) I also was super woke then, but it wasn’t as widespread so most people found me annoying and correctly called me out on my bs. It’s hard seeing a friend fall into all the same coping devices I did and knowing the only way she’ll pull herself out is if she does it herself. I just wish she could see how similar she is now to how I was at my lowest, and that it was only by getting up and working on myself and losing those victimization beliefs that I was able to achieve a life I couldn’t even let myself dream about back then.
I feel for her because there are a lot more enablers now than there were a decade ago. I just try to ask her questions about possible longterm results of some of her beliefs, but I can tell really quick that even that is putting me in dangerous waters and stop right there. My hope is that even if she doesn’t like the questions, she can’t help but think about them when she’s trying to fall asleep at night like I couldn’t when I was in it.
Just saying that I feel for PH’s friends. And it also is why I can’t get fully on the PH is the worst train. He probably is, but it did seem like he was doing better after have a hard time in his adolescence before he met MM, and I can relate to that. There’s always a chance that he will wake up and slowly make his way towards recovery.