I just came out about cross dressing tonight to my parents. I didn't really know for sure that's what I wanted to do until today actually. My dad was super angry and asked me "If I was going to start wearing fucking dresses and shit". I told him, yeah , not all the time but I do want to wear them. I asked him what the difference was between me wearing a dress and women wearing pants back when it was scandalous for women to wear pants. No answer. My mom was a lot more supportive but didn't defend me from my dad's remarks which still hurts.

I would go out with my fiancée (were broken up now but were still friends) to buy clothes and I would always think to myself how jealous I was that she could wear all these cute clothes and I felt like I couldn't. But I don't want to be a woman. I feel like I'm genderfluid. Depending on the day I might feel like I want to be a woman, others a man. I wish I had two ghost in the shell type bodies I could put my brain into depending on how I feel. One female and one male.

I came to realize all this today because my ex and I went shoe shopping to get her some flats. We started talking about what shoes were cute and what would fit with her and we discovered that during our relationship when we would go clothes shopping I picked out stuff that, while it looked fantastic on her, I was subconsciously picking those clothes because they were my style. We got to talking about gender identity too and I told her that I struggled with that as well. Then we went to Charlotte russe and picked out two outfits for me. She was so supportive the whole time. I almost broke down in the store because it was such a relief. I felt like I could be myself, my true self. I felt like a weight had been lifted from me. I felt so accepted.