What are the funniest football stories as told by footballers?

Kolo Toure's trial at Arsenal as told by Ray Parlour:

Toure had travelled to England for a trial with Arsenal from Ivorian side ASEC Mimosas in 2002 and was intent on leaving his mark - literally - on the Gunners.

And Toure wasn't worried about big-name reputations with Parlour revealing he flew into tackles with Henry, Bergkamp and even manager Wenger while other players watched on in amazement.

Parlour told talkSPORT: "They rolled the ball into Thierry Henry. Kolo Toure from nowhere smashed him, right from behind, two footed tackle, a terrible tackle.

"Seriously could have been a red card in a normal game. Our best player is on the floor rolling around.

"Arsene Wenger screams, 'Kolo, what are you doing? Don't tackle, don't tackle!'

"Next minute, ball goes into Dennis Bergkamp. Kolo Toure, exactly the same, two-foots Dennis Bergkamp.

"We're thinking this is unbelievable.

"The next ball comes in and he makes a great tackle, Kolo Toure, but the ball flips up in the air and Arsene Wenger used to stand right in the middle between the midfield and the forwards and he'd try and look at all the movement.

"The ball's gone up in the air and where did it land? Right at Arsene Wenger's foot. He's two-footed Arsene Wenger! Proper tackle!

"The lads are thinking this is unbelievable. The trialist has taken out Henry, Bergkamp and Wenger on his trial.

"Now Wenger's had to limp off, he's gone back to the medical room so Kolo Toure's nearly crying. He can't believe it. It was his big day at Arsenal and he's took out two of our best players and the manager.

"That afternoon Arsene Wenger's sitting there with a big ice pack on his ankle and I felt sorry for Kolo Toure and I said, 'Boss, I don't think he meant to kick you like that' and he said 'Look at my ankle'.

"I said, 'He didn't mean it, boss' and he said 'I know he didn't mean it. I like his desire. We sign him tomorrow' and that was it, he signed him."

From here.

http://www.express.co.uk/sport/football/465917/REVEALED-Kolo-Toure-sealed-Arsenal-move-after-two-footing-Henry-Bergkamp-AND-Wenger

/r/soccer Thread