I was motivated with my experience with chickens. We’ve been through a lot. Let me explain. I’m the leader of the Republic of Chickens, also known as the Republic of Hard Cocks. I fought many wars with my chickens to get to where we are today. I have a giant chicken. I rode my chicken into many battles. His name is Lo Mein. He was there with me through thick and thin. He is my ride and die brother, so to speak. Some could even say he is my entire world. We fought many battles together and have been through everything life could throw at us. He was with me during the chicken civil war. He was with me when we fought the Turkeys and took over part of their land in the famous battle of Gobbles Peak. He was there with me to put a stop to a territorial dispute between the Frizzle Chickens and the Silkie Chickens, which could have got ugly. I was there with him when we battled the former Waterfowl Alliance, composed of ducks, geese, and swans… all united together… and when they were at the peak of their power. Though we defeated them, we suffered heavy losses.
Turns out, we shouldn’t have engaged them at sea. Their bodies can turn into boats and act as Naval units. Our chickens attempted to try that as well to beat them at their own game, but it didn’t end well. So…….. yeah it turns out chickens can’t really swim. We learned that lesson the hard way. We should have experimented first before trying it. Actually, it would have been smart to not try it at all. They did float though. And we were all like, holy shit, we can fucking float! and the battle went ok early on. But then the chickens got heavy fast and their feathers took on too much water, they panicked and flailed around, ended up drowning, and the survivors ended up getting hypothermia. Not a good day. However, even though we lost the battle, we won the war… and the Waterfowl Alliance disbanded. A rebel faction of ducks and geese that were against the Waterfowl Alliance also became our allies in the next coming war. A mistake, which to this day… had proven to be very costly…
Many years had passed since then. But then came the horrible massacre. The infamous Turkey Rebellion of Thanksgiving. What started as a mild revolt quickly grew into the stuff of nightmares. Beheadings started taking place, and everyone was running around like a bunch of headless chickens trying to figure out what to do and how to stop it from spreading. The Turkeys soon started to gobble up a lot of the territory they had lost. This then escalated to an all-out war. Lo Mein had lost all his siblings in the ensuing conflict. Chow Mein, High Mein, Medium Mein, Kung Pao, and Jamal. May they all rest in peace.
We were starting to lose more territory. Soon the conflict came to a dramatic head. It was now or never. We had to send in the Elite Honour Guard Roosters. In gold plated armor. Forged from the fires of Chick-fil-A. They pecked the shit out of the bastards. Lo Mein and I led the charge with our Silkie Chicken General (General Tso Chicken). It was going well… but… to our horror, the Alpha Turkey had spawned on the battlefield!
None of you know what it’s like to have to endure what I endured from that moment! This fucking thing slaughtered all of our elite units. Many of these roosters I considered to be my brothers. I got to know them and their families. I had to write letters to their hens, and they had to break the news to their children, telling them daddy wasn’t coming home! I still to this day see the images of my chickens dying on that battlefield to that Turkey Alpha! It was horrible. Feathers flying everywhere. Chicken legs getting roasted. It was a whole mess! Oh! Oh! And then… don’t even get me started on the fucking rebel duck faction who were supposed to come to our aid. We had a pact! We had an alliance! These fucking quackers took everything away from us! We needed their aid badly and they forced us into a treaty in which we would give up a piece of our land to them. We had no choice. The Turkeys were on the loose. The Turkeys were coming! The Turkeys were coming! Everyone was panicking so we had to do something. And even with the treaty and all that, the ducks ended up backstabbing us anyway! These waterfowl scumbags were supposed to send us their best geese for reinforcements. We needed the aerial support! But nooooo! So, guess what? The geese never fucking came! The geese……never…… came…
And guess what we got instead from the ducks? Take a wild guess? We, instead of the geese fighter squadrons, we got…….. the fucking… loons. Look… I… I don’t know who in the hell thought it was a fan-fucking-tastic idea to send in the loons. Like, the loons?! The loons???!!! Out of every other fucking bird alive! Really? It must have been some kind of sick joke. It had to be! They pretty much just sent us discount geese. Great. Oh Oh, and it gets better. They decided to send in… wait for it… not just any loons… but the Kamikaze Loons!…Yeah, that’s awesome. That’s fucking great. That’s a wonderful idea. Let’s just strap bombs to a bunch of loons, have them insist that we call them the “Loonatics” (or they will get offended, complain, and won’t fight), have them try and takeoff when they are one of the worst possible fucking birds for that job due to their high mass to wing area ratio, and then and then! ...have them fly into our own units instead of the enemy because they either can’t take off properly, can’t fly cause the bombs are too heavy, or they can’t tell the difference between a turkey and a fucking chicken! Or because they are just simply stupid. Fucking loons!
My General (General Tso Chicken) ended up dying because one of our damn loons flew into back. He will be missed. This chicken was bred for combat and war. A season veteran. A masterful tactician who survived impossible odds. Been in countless wars. Took down a damn ostrich all by himself. Got to know him well and taught me everything I knew…….And then he dies… to a dumbass loon…
Well… in the end…the Turkey war did end with our victory. But at a huge price. I lost many friends. The Ducks will pay for their treachery. Those waterfowl pieces of shit. Hope the swans turn on them again someday. In the meantime, Lo Mein and I will continue to push on. One fight at a time. Our kingdom has suffered greatly, but we will persevere. Our lands have been destroyed, but we will rebuild. Our loved ones have perished, but we will find a way to carry on. Many of our chicken brethren have died, but we will honour their legacy and sacrifice… even the ones who tried to swim… I guess. And most of all, our chickens… our beautiful chickens… of ever race, color, creed, origin, ancestry… to all the chickens… Polish chickens, Frizzle chickens, Silkie chickens, Leghorn chickens (those crazy bastards), Sussex chickens, and all the other chickens out there cause there’s too damn many types of chicken… I salute you, and we will always stand together, and we will never give in to tyranny (even though we sometimes cause it, but that’s not important). I love you all. And always remember this in difficult times, an age old prophecy, handed down to us by the cocks of legend:
The sun will rise… and in the end… a cock will always be there to greet it.
In the end, we can all find inspiration from this story and motivate others when things get really tough. Whenever you are feeling down, always remember the chickens.