I heard that love is what’s important but when I was about to meet my family after years of being away something bad happened to me and I had to postpone the trip. This was the first question mark- if love is important and the core then why did this happen just as I was about to go on a trip with them.

Then I dreamt of someone I never met and then met him the next day in a different city. Many synchronicities kept bringing him to me everywhere. I thought it had a meaning. I was never with anyone who made me feel so badly about myself.

And several years I realized that when my happiest moment of the year happened then after a few hours my dad passed away.

At that moment during his funeral I just knew inside it was all a lie. All the nice stories I told myself for years. All the coping with this reality. I couldn’t do it anymore.

I didn’t dare think it for a while but it was inescapable. Once you see the truth you cannot unsee it.