:)

You're not wrong: the ultimate take-away of that scene is, kind of, "you're better than this." Although it's framed in such a way that the surface message is "you're not even worth it." Cordelia calls her a "vicious bitch," and then takes it away: "no woman strong enough to wear the mantle of 'vicious bitch' would ever put up with it." After Lilah has already off-handedly claimed the epithet with "so? you know me."

Everything Cordelia says has the theme of "I'm better than you." Actually, more like: "I'm just like you, but better." The clothes conversation, her response to Lilah's attempt to wave aside pity with "I know the risks of my job and I accept them" with "then why were you crying five minutes ago? There's not a thing about badly reapplied mascara that I don't know." She compares herself to Lilah constantly in the conversation, both by implying that she, too, has tried to redo her makeup after crying, and by explicitly saying things like, "Please. I was you. With better shoes."

All of which has the effect of simultaneously empathizing with Lilah and putting her down. Getting under her skin and breaking through her defenses, but ultimately showing her a way that she can make it right without, you know, trying to do the right thing ("I hear that can be confusing"). She tells her that a strong woman would never act the way she did, but still asks her for help, implying that the total character assassination she just engaged in doesn't have to be the end of the story.

It's actually pretty masterfully done. And it's the kind of approach that Lilah, I think, respects. Much more than Angel's shock when he sees her ("God. Are you - ?") and his attempt to enlist her help to avenge both her and others with his "deep chivalric concern." Which, while ostensibly kinder and more sympathetic, does not work at all :)