That's right, just my bf and sometimes my mom when she calls me, that's it. I don't feel lonely because I get along with my bf but when I was single, the only person I saw was my toxic mom and yes, it was super lonely.

I feel like you and it's because we're so used to be rejected that we anticipate it and sometimes reject people before they reject us.

You should read this about the rejection wound: https://lelialouisedouard.medium.com/the-5-wounds-of-the-soul-what-mask-s-do-you-wear-1d8592fcec6e

It sounds cheesy but the only way to get over it is to love yourself so much that you don't care about rejection. It's not easy though.