The reason why the OG sub references self love is because in order to manifest and KEEP love on the outside or have the ability to receive someone's love you have to be in the beliefs and state of what you want.
But I just don't see it as being possible. Without my SP my life is meaningless and everything is pointless, I'm not happy at all and I simply can't be happy without her and nothing in my life is interesting to me anymore. I don't hate myself like I used to do in the past but I just don't care about myself and I certainly don't love myself.
Let's break this down a little-- since it points to some beliefs that might be tripping you up.
If you make someone else into your tin God when you're the real rule maker and decision maker in your reality, what does that do?
It puts you at their mercy.
It makes you dependent on them.
You are helpless without their approval.
Your happiness is no longer safe without them.
Now, let's turn around what those beliefs and mindsets manifest and depersonalize it a little and demonstrate my point.
Say you and I fall deeply, madly and completely in love.
I happen to have the mindset you described which makes my happiness in life completely dependent upon what you're doing.
Then, one day I wake up on the really, really wrong side of the bed and start worrying you're going to leave me.
This is REALLY bad news since you're my everything. The sun rises and sets with you. If you go, I'm going to be doomed to a life of perpetual unhappiness and displeasure.
So, in my infinite wisdom, I hatch a fear-based action plan to keep you around.
I start by telling you how much I love you... constantly. I bake you things. I stop by your house to see you (not at all to *check on what you're doing without me*). I say a lot of nice things but some that make you worry you'll never get a free moment to yourself.
At first, this strokes your ego and feels kinda cool, like, "awesome, wow, this person is totally into me."
Then, because I'm so focused on this new fear you're going to leave, I keep checking you for signs you are leaving. Remember, if I lose you, my happiness is in big trouble. I'm protecting myself by doing this, since now my life is at stake.
So I start asking you for reassurance that you care. I make a Google docs spreadsheet of how often you're affectionate. Then, if you aren't AS affectionate on any given day, panic leads me to confront you.
At first, you're fine with a few "yes love muffin, you're amazing" reassurance statements, but after a few days, you don't get it.
You start wondering why I'm acting so weird. Before, things were so cool and easy between us. We had so much fun. There wasn't anything to worry about.
Now that I'm checking our relationship temperature all the time, you start to wonder if something is seriously wrong with me. You stop wanting to see me as often so we won't have more anxious conversations (ARGUMENTS) about your feelings for me. Sadly, before this and even now, you love me more than anything on the planet.
You figure it's best to let me work this out so you try to give me some hands-off time to center myself or something. You wait and maybe Google "how to get my person to stop being so needy" while sincerely hoping this will blow over.
All this does is make me MOAR committed to solidifying our relationship, so I realize "OH YES! IF WE GET MARRIED, MY HAPPINESS WILL BE SAFE."
I suddenly start showing you wedding blogs and trying to show you what our special day could be like. Then, when you seem annoyed or afraid or worried about how this frenzy of need and anxiety has taken over our relationship, it convinces me all my fears are coming true.
You DON'T really love me. This is BAD.
I announce to you the mistaken belief that you don't love me and that I'm leaving. My intent is really for you to PROVE YOUR LOVE by causing a dramatic scene where you chase after me movie-style and proclaim your love to me, thus making it clear that you REALLY REALLY DO this time because you're conceding to my demands. That's only temporary but I don't know this. My hunger for your approval continues day and night.
The first time I leave you, you actually do chase me down and proclaim your love. You think, "maybe this will FINALLY convince them, plus I miss them" you think. So you do it.
Things are okay for a while... until.
Now, I made this example dramatic on purpose to illustrate why self love is actually important and not a sidestep in the process.
I get it.
When people bang on about self love it can sound like another weird gate you have to go through to get your SP back.
It's not, since the belief that YOU are number one makes it so that no matter what anyone else in your projection of reality does, you're still safe and your beliefs won't force you to take drastic measures to prevent loss.