Probably not so surprising for online gamers, but anger management. I used to be huge raging jackass. Suddenly in some part of my gaming career I noticed that I lost a few friends, in other words people didn't want to play with me anymore. I didn't really know why, because I was (or thought I was) the reason we won. More than few times they said that even though we win, it didn't feel like winning because I was still flaming people and pointing fingers. I always told them and myself that it's just the way I am.

Then one night we were drinking with few of my gaming friends, and I talked with one random guy who I've never played with, but he heard during the night that I was a rager. So the night was late and we started talking about it just two of us, and I said I know it's a problem, but I don't know how to fix it. Because I just get so engaged in the game, and I thought one (good) part of the flaming was that people who I play with know what they are doing wrong. In some twisted sense I thought I was helping people be better at the game.

So he asked do I enjoy the game. I said "well sometimes, but most of the time it's just too emotional it's exhausting." And he asked do I think I gain anything by raging, I said "well, I think when people are aware of their mistakes, they would play better". And he asked, does any of your friends play better because of your raging. I thought about it and finally said "not that I've noticed, they aren't playing any better". So he then continued "Why are you raging then? It's clearly a lose lose situation for you. You get emotional and don't enjoy the game, your friends don't enjoy the game because of you, and they aren't even learning anything."

Next morning when I had a huge hangover, I played with my friends again. This time I somehow noticed which situations got me going angry, for example someone dying when they could've avoided it, but I didn't say anything. This continued for a few days, I just stopped saying anything, because I started noticing what the real problem was. Suddenly I started to change my gamestyle to fit the team, I wasn't raging them anymore, but trying to save them instead. I started to enjoy the game itself, instead of playing only for the win.

For example one of my friend dies the same way every single time we play. I used to shout at him that he's a fucking retard for not changing anything, even though he has died the same way every single game we play. This time we all just laughed at it and said "Oh it's the George's special again", and continued the game without further thought.

Addition to this, I've noticed that team spirit is one aspect that helps win the games. People tend to play better when they are not afraid of mistakes. Or more like they are not afraid to do weird plays that may result in win. I've thought about this situation compared to real life too. Do you get better results with punish or reward? In other words flame or praise. Is it more useful to notice the good plays than bad plays? I don't know if we've won more games than before, but I've enjoyed the games much more than before.