A few years ago, I met a guy and got into a sexual relationship with him. Because of reasons, we kept our involvement a secret from all our mutual acquaintances, which is why it took me a few months to find out that he used to be in a fairly serious relationship with another woman in our group. She and I got talking one night about him and she eventually told me that he had raped her one night at a party, which was a huge part of why they broke up.

By that time, I also considered him a friend and was shocked at the idea of him raping anyone. I confronted him about it a few days later and I will never forget our conversation as long as I live.

"I talked to Anna* about you the other night, and I need to ask you something."

"What did she tell you about me?"

"Well... she said you raped her."

He was quiet for a few seconds but finally said "that's true. I did."

"What happened?"

"We were both really drunk and I thought I got consent... but I didn't. She didn't tell me until later, and when she did I told her I would go to the police with her and turn myself in if she wanted me to, but she just broke up with me instead." **

And that's the day I found out I had spent months having sex with a man who raped one of my friends.

*Name changed to protect the only innocent person in this story

**This is roughly the same story she told me, so I believe it to be true.