Facing a heads-up decision against a villain who shoved river. I'm sort of talking to myself, replaying the action on prior streets to try to figure out what sort of line he could be on. I'm basically tanking and trying to talk myself into a fold as I mumble the replay "hmm, so you limp pre, raise flop, flat call turn, then shove river".

Dealer suddenly perks up like he's been awakened from a deep slumber by a loud noise and he is insisting that I had just called because the word call passed my lips. I explain to him that I was using the word in another context entirely and that nobody in their right mind would think I was actually announcing a call. None of the players at the table think it is a call. By dealer's logic "I don't call" counts as a call, because it includes the word call. Trying my best to keep cool and not completely go off on this guy and call him a moron or an asshole.

Floor gets called over and they force me to play my hand, because hey, technically I said the word call. Except for the fact that, unless he's as big an asshole as this miserable cunt of a dealer, if floor guy was at the table and heard what everybody else heard, he maybe would have ruled differently.

I had villain well covered but it cost me a little more than the max buy-in. Never tipped that dealer again.