Does anyone mind if I be real for a second?

Objectively, I know I'm awesome. I still hate myself.

The first sentence above was really god damned hard to write. I deleted a dozen attempts to downplay, deviate or degrade that simple 5 word self affirmation before I convinced myself to leave it and move on writing.

I do a lot of cool shit. I volunteered with the Red Cross for four years, I've run a meetup for 5. I have a successful software career, I make art, I speak publicly, I started a youtube show and I do parkour.

At this point I want to delete this entire post and run away because I feel like I'm a useless shit bragging in a desperate attempt for validation. I have an inability to know how many aspects of this notion are accurate. I'm sure at least some are.

I keep doing things cuz I constantly feel like a failure who can't accomplish anything. There's no logical reason to feel that way anymore but it runs so thoroughly deep that I'm scared it's actually the reason I accomplish so much.

So while I can say with confidence that I do cool things, I am utterly incapable of seeing myself as cool, or really anything positive at all.

Yes, I'm seeing a therapist.

Yes, I'm almost done with OverJoyed. The last three pages are all drawn and I'm inking the last page now. I'm going to post them all at once so folks can take in the grand finale without a cliffhanger.