So this happened 10+ years ago, but there was a front page post the other day about horrible dates that I found entertaining and it made me think of my horrible first kiss. So here’s mine, and I would love to hear some of yours.
For some people the first kiss is perfect, just like Disney always told you it would be. For some it’s completely forgettable. Some are awkward, clumsy, or embarrassing. Some are sweet and simple. Some are a quick shy pecks and some last for hours.
I wish I could say that my first kiss was a little bit of all of these, because that would mean there was something good about it. It wasn't.
When I was 15 years old I had finally started to outgrow some of that incapacitating shyness that made even thinking of a having a conversation with a boy, any boy, a daydream. I was still shy and quiet, but I was working my way out of my shell little by little. A big step in my development was making friends with a new girl in my school, she was fun and we had a good time together and she had something I could never have. Brothers. Even better, one was a junior and one was a senior. They weren't particularly attractive and I still didn't know how to act when they we're around, but hangout with my friend at her house usually amount to hangout with them as well.
After I got somewhat comfortable being around them I had an epiphany. One of my friends brothers knew William, a boy from my neighborhood that I had had a crush on for years. It took some work, but I was able to maneuver things to get us all hanging out together, this was good, very good for me. I now had face time with William, the boy I had been too shy to speak to for years in spite of the fact that his mom and mine we're good friends.
He seemed an ideal choice to me. He was also shy, he had a full head of dark almost black hair, bright blue eyes and was single. What more could I hope for? A lot it turns out, but I digress.
We started hanging out on a more regular bases, I could now talk to all the boys, (my friend’s brothers and William at school). Months passed - yes okay, I was that slow moving - and William finally took an active interest in me. He would start calling me on the phone, but since we we're both pretty shy these conversations we're nothing to brag about. I actually grew to dread these conversations even when I thought I was still falling for him.
William: Hey
Me: Hey, How’s it going?
William: Good
Me: Awkward pause
Me: How was your day?
William: Good
Me: Another pause while I tried and think of something to say
Me: Do you have homework?
William: No
This would lasted for hours, or for as long as I could take it, and when I was about ready to scream in frustration at how long and awkward and boring the conversation was I would start to wrap it up so I could finally do something. Right before I got in my final 'goodbye' he would suddenly have a question for me.
William: Do you want to hang out?
Me: Heck no! We just wasted an hour trying to think of something to say! Hanging out is just going to be prolonged torture.
What I actually said, somewhat reluctantly was: Sure
And over he would come, we would usually just watch a movie, it would save us the trouble of trying to talk to each other, but he would hold my hand during the movie which made up for a lot.
This happened somewhat frequently, he was a good boy and my parents had no problem with him coming over. He and I were hanging out one night, not uncommon, but for some reason he was wearing a cowboy hat - we live in the suburbs and it looked a silly but who was I to complain? We were sitting on the couch attempting a conversation when my family came down, Mom, Dad and two little sisters to ask if we wanted to watch a movie with them. Sure, why not? It wasn’t like we were doing anything anyway.
Our seating arrangement ended up like this, Me, William, my mom, my dad on the couch. My sisters sat on floor with some blankets. We watched the movie "It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad world," which I always thought was a long movie, but I was not prepared for the added torture tonight would bring.
I was watching the film and I could feel William’s eyes on me, I turned my head to the left and he wasn't even pretending to watch the screen, his whole attention was on me. It made me a bit unsure and a bit uncomfortable, so I quickly turned my head back to the screen, his eyes we're still boring holes in my head. I stayed focused as long as I could on the screen but finally had to turn my head to face him again, what was he doing? His eyes were big, and his face was soft... all I could think of was puppy, he looked like a puppy who wanted whatever food I was eating. I shrugged and gave him a uncertain smile, hoping he would get the 'what the heck are you doing’ message. My look didn't seem to phase him.
My fatal mistake was the third look, he started moving in before I had my head turned completely to face him. This was it! The moment I had waited 15 years for! I was going to be kissed! He leaned over, trapping my head against the back of the couch, and pressed his full warm... almost hot lips against mine. Before I had a chance to react he tongue was in my mouth, half way down my throat, slimy, wet, and gross. I recoiled. It was awful and I wanted it to stop but I didn't know what to do without making a scene - yes my parents we still sitting right next to him, and apparently completely clueless! Finally he pulled back, maybe gauging my inactivity. I turned my head back to the screen and gave it my full physically attention while I was screaming in my mind. Disney you lied! All these years, every book I've read, every movie I've seen, every story I've heard, its all been lies! I felt sick as that bubble of anticipation I had been holding on to for so many years popped. Kisses we're awful and I never wanted another one. I had a vile taste in my mouth.
These feelings turned out to be very one way. I dared another peek at William, who was this creature? Who had robbed me of that dream I had held for so long. He took this as another opening and the experience was repeated, I finally figured I could turn my head to make it stop. I should have snapped my teeth together but I didn't realize that option in my critical moments. I didn't look anywhere near him the rest of the move, and I sat forward getting my body at least a little further away from his. My fingers we're slippery with the buttered popcorn we had been eating, and I felt slimy and gross from the inside out.
The movie finally, mercifully ended.
My family flipped on the lights, chatted with us obliviously before heading up stairs. I jumped up as soon as they were gone and sat on the floor, putting at least some distance between us. I was still trying to figure everything out, kissing was obviously not what I had been hoping. The second didn't seem to be any better than the first. I was repulsed more than enamored. Did I still like William?
He sat down across from me and we talked, well I grilled him about how many other girls he had kissed... He was my first and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing. He had kissed a couple of other girls, which seemed like a lot to me. I wondered if the other girls had liked it. Finally it got late enough that I could kick him out.
The first thing I did once he was gone was ran to my parents bedroom to tell them what happened and demand an explanation from them for why they didn't put a stop to it!
They laughed, surprised he had the balls to kiss me with them sitting right there, shocked that he was sly enough that they hadn't noticed, and laughed as I gave them the gory gross out details. Thanks for the support parents!