I'll see about it.. Though I'm more likely to join in gaming or tech or astronomy or something.. Ya know, nerdy or tech-geek related than anything else. The onlt physical thing I'm interested in is martial arts, specifically sword-related ones more.

Problem is just any social interaction is exhausting, and I get paranoid. There's a reason this account has no history - I delete it all the time, and drop out of all social media, etc. All of what I say here will be deleted tomorrow because I embarass myself just talking like this.

Every time I try to be social I just end up isolating myself even more strictly, even when everything goes fine, for seemingly no reason.

I guess part of me doesn't want to be part of anything, that I've been on my own since forever and that's how I like it now.

As silly as it may sound, there's a flip-side of me too, that's narcissistic. Somehow both an anxious submissive and a cruel dominant side were born from it all, a side that surfaces when I'm criticized or hurt, a side that can just shut off all empathy and become sadistic instead of my usual, fairly timid self, it's like a total 180 that can happen when I feel pressured.

From that side if me, Basically, I also don't include myself in any groups because I feel like that's admitting I stand on the same plans as others. That I'm the "same". Which is something that's never settled well with me. I tend to deny everything that makes people human, because I've labeled those traits as weakness.

I have trouble socializing not only because of anxiety, which is indeed strong, but also because I take myself too seriously and have very little capacity for personal humility.

But, I'm only hurting myself being like that. I need to stop thinking that the world even remebers me 5 minutes after talking to me, as well as stop being a stick in the mud and "come down to Earth" where everyone else is.

Basically, to put it simply, I need to learn to relax, and also make comfort with the fact that I am... The same as everyone else I guess... a weak, not-special, regular human...

But, I'll habe to figure it all out in due time I guess...