You too? I'm in the same boat, though I'm not quite 40 yet.
I HATE working here. The job is fine, but every day is a constant reminder that I'm getting older while the people around me stay young and beautiful.
Think, I'm exagerrating? Nearly everyone between the ages of 24-45 has fled this area unless they simply haven't been able to locate a good enough job elsewhere (like myself).
The rest of the population are either 17-25 year olds or 65+ as the area is also a thriving retirement community. I'm miserable here, but i've accepted it as a look-only policy and try not to think about it too much.
Until last year. Last year, we hired a new part-time assistant for my shift. Now we do this fairly regularly, and I've honestly always been professional with them. Too much workplace drama with interoffice romance, imo. When the relationship goes sour, it spills over.
But her. Her, I hit it off with almost immediately. My co-workers will tell you, I'm the quiet, reserved, somewhat grouchy type. I do my job, I' m polite, helpful to a point, and when my shift is over I'm gone.
But with her, I was gregarious, funny, and willing to talk about almost anything. I was generally happier around the office, and for the first time in ten years, looked forward to coming to work.
I swear, I didn't realize I had a thing for her. The rest of the office did! Apparently, it was a good natured joke that I wasn't in on. I finally realized, when she started dating a co-worker of mine closer to her own age. No, it wasn't the surge of jealousy that clued me in. there wasn't one, oddly enough.
No, it was when she was talking about how he made her feel, about how she woke up every day wanting to hear from him, and share their day. And it clicked... that was how I got up every day... thinking about her. According to her, when we talked later, the look on my face was priceless.
Yeah, once I realized it, I took about 3 days to process the reality that for the first time in over a decade I (37) was crushing hard on a 21-year old.
Afterwards, I did the only thing I could think of to do, since it became apparent, it was obvious to EVERYONE but ME. I took her aside, explained myself, APOLOGIZED profusely if I'd ever made her uncomfortable, then tracked down her boyfriend (he and I had been getting along as casual friends up till this point) and apologized to HIM and explained that I was NOT chasing after his girl.
He thanked me for the honesty and reassurance, and said it wasnt' a problem. They both did. But she's never acted the same around me, and I just can't be as relaxed and open with her anymore. It's.... wrong, somehow.